Friday, March 5, 2010

I heart hot water

Of all the things I might take for granted, hot water is definitely high up on that list. You never know how much you appreciate something until you go without it for a day and a half. Seriously.

It's Wednesday evening. I'm doing my usual run on my treadmill. After my run, I usually jump in the shower before bed.....because who really wants to sleep in their own post-run sweat? Not me, that's for sure. I typically turn on the shower a few seconds/minutes prior to getting in to ensure it's hot. Not out of the ordinary, right? So, I undress and get in the shower for what I expect to be a refreshing, yet relaxing, hot shower. What I got was nothing of the sort.

If you heard a woman yelling obscenities that you may or may not have heard before around 7pm, Wednesday night.....yes, that would be yours truly. It was sort of along the same lines of Steve Carell's reaction in 40 Year Old Virgin when he's getting waxed and he yells random obscenities from the discomfort, except my freezing cold shower was rather unexpected and the obscenities I was yelling had little to do with fucking Kelly Clarkson. But I digress.

About 20 seconds into this freezing shower, I can't take it any longer and jump out. There I am.....still somewhat unclean from my run and the general day's filth, soaking wet, and freezing my ever loving ass off. Fucking fantastic. At this point, I'm wondering if my roommate had a similar experience before he went to work. I text him and sure enough....response back is "coldest shower ever". Great. Damn you hot water heater, damn you!

I immediately flip out and call the gas company's emergency number:

Responder: "Hello [Gas company name here], what is your emergency?"

The irrational version of me: "Hi there. Um, so I have no hot water and just took a freezing cold shower. Well half of one because it's that freaking cold. I need this fixed IMMEDIATELY! I can't go to work without showering! Please help me!"

Responder: "Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down."

The irrational version of me: "But I have no hot water! I can't go to sleep all dirty and gross! I just ran 3.5 miles on my treadmill and I'm sweaty and gross and cold and wet and miserable. Please do something!"

Responder: "Ma'am, I can't do anything about those things right now."

She goes on to ask me questions and it is then determined that my hot water heater isn't even gas related, as I have an electric one. Oops? My bad. Probably should have checked that before I went batshit crazy on the poor woman.

After I do this, I'm on Facebook and I see my realtor online and message him about my problem...because he is my personal Mr. Online Fix-it.....naturally. I wonder if he knew this was part of the job when he agreed to show me houses. Hmmmm. Anyway, he is now getting me to test a bunch of different things and it is then determined that I need to call a plumber. Awesome. So the next day, I phone the plumbing company he suggests and they offer same day service. Score! I heart same day service......but anywho, back to the plumber and my hot water issue. The plumber comes out, fixes the issue, I write a check, and then FINALLY get to take a hot shower. Victory!

So...lessons learned from this situation, you ask?

1) Always test the shower BEFORE running. This way, you're not stuck sleeping in grossness. It's not fun, I assure you. And if you are even slightly's fucking miserable!

2) Taking a page from Little House on the Praire and heating up water on the stove and using it to bathe is maybe a better option than just not doing anything. In my defense, though, I was too busy flipping out and being the crazy female homeowner to come to this conclusion at the appropriate time. Hindsight people, hindsight.

3) My realtor rocks. No, seriously. Not only did he help me diagnose the problem, but he bought me a new warranty so it's covered should this ever happen again. If anyone is in the market for some real estate, he's your guy. His wife is pretty cool too, but I doubt she could help you with a home.

4) Who knew some plumbers actually wear a belt? I sure didn't. There was no crack involved yesterday. Very pleasantly surprising, I must say. I was half expecting a guy to show up in oversized jeans that were a tad too low and a ratty shirt with the company logo on it. What I got was a gentleman professionally dressed in khakis and a button down shirt. It's the little things, ya'll.

5) This is probably the most important realization of them all....and that is, my love for hot water. Evidently, I need it to thrive. If I don't have hot water for showers, I turn into this rabid cave woman whom you may not want to be around. You'll feel sorry for me. You'll pity me, but you really should think twice before coming near me. Don't screw with my hot water. Just saying.

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