Friday, January 29, 2010

The Sweaty Medley

Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen. We're discussing sweat today....because last night that was all I could think about....well, for the most part. I am here to tell you....I was sweating in places I never knew existed. My heart felt as though it was about to beat out of my chest at any moment. I moved my body and contorted in ways I have never experienced before. Then, once I thought I was the master of my domain....I hear "change position". You might presume this to be the most demanding sexual partner one has ever had, but no. Sexual healing this was not. This was my first ever Bikram yoga class.

Yes, that's right. A packed room full of sweaty bodies, wearing next to nothing, in 105 degree temps.....doing yoga poses for an hour and a half. Did I mention people were wearing next to nothing? Yes, even the men. I went with a friend of mine who does this activity at least once a month. I wish my yoga goddess friend had forewarned me of this, among other things....but we'll get to that in just a few. So we went in and set our mats down in preparation for class to start. Class began with breathing exercises.....not too traumatizing right? Well, it wouldn't be if I didn't have Meatloaf performing yoga right beside me. Yes, Meatloaf....the long haired one-hit wonder.....I would do anything for looooooove, but I won't do that!......but I digress. So we were doing these breathing exercises....and Meatloaf is grunting. Yes, grunting, during his breathing. Charming.

So the breathing portion was over with and we were then getting into the actual yoga poses. We were twisting our bodies in such ways that should probably be illegal in some countries (actually, wait..they probably are now that I think about it). The room was getting hotter and hotter and we were all becoming drenched in our own sweat, which is probably an exceptionally attractive image. Yes, I'm aware. One of my favorite parts about this sweating was that my shirt, my Nike dry fit shirt that I usually run in, was becoming soaked in my sweat.....but everywhere except my boobs. Yes, that's correct.....drenched everywhere, but two white dry circles on my shirt. Thank you for THAT little gem, Nike!

Now because we were all sweating so profusely at this point in the class, those who have long hair and had made the unfortunate move not to pull it back.....AHEM MEATLOAF!!!....yes these folks were now flinging sweat from their hair when they move.....onto those alongside them. My friend and I were both victims of this, sadly. As if this was not offensive enough, evidently a few folks thought it appropriate to pass gas....out loud....and please let me remind you at this time that we were in a packed room that was at least 105 degrees. At this point my friend and I shot each other looks in disbelief. Did that seriously just happen? Yes...yes it did. I'm still trying to understand why they didn't just leave the room, or at the very least, excuse themselves. You think you've had uncomfortable situations? Well.....welcome to ours.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad I tried this Bikram yoga thing at least once. I've never done yoga before and my yoga goddess friend usually enjoys it, so I figured why not try something new. It did serve a's really good cardio, and I suppose it would be a good stress reliever had the aforementioned trauma not taken place. As for doing it again right away, I think I'll stick to my running routine and massage therapy....thanks. Just saying.


  1. This happened to me too at one of those classes. The ballet pose or dancer pose, I don't remember what it was called. Anyway, it is the one where you lift one leg up behind you, try to touch you head with it and lean forward. The person in front of me, leaning her bootie towards my face definately farted. Then, since it was so hot and stuffy, I marinated in said fart for the remainder of the 1 minute pose. Beautiful!

  2. I've done yoga for several years and hate that this was your first exposure to it. If you have any interest in seeing how a yoga class is supposed to be conducted, check out the Unity Woods yoga center. They have a few locations in the metro area. Their Ballston studio might be the closest to you. I highly recommend the Level I course taught by Steve. He is a fantastic instructor.

  3. no reason not to go back now - you've experienced the worst so it can only get better ;)

  4. Ha, the dry spots were because your sports bra wicked that sweat before it got to your shirt. And anyway, who's looking at your dry boobs where there were so many other interesting things to focus on during the class? :)

    Yes, people pass gas during yoga. Hilarious.

    So, when are you going back?